


Till the end of the line - part II

by Miss_Kitten



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 21:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11837106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Kitten/pseuds/Miss_Kitten
Summary: Bucky finally comes to terms with his feeling for reader.





	Till the end of the line - part II

To this day, you are convinced that Natasha is secretly some kind of goddess, not only regarding her strength and abilities but mainly because of the speediness she has gotten Bucky’s files.

They were helpful, of course, but mostly they caused you further heartache. The first time you had read them, you cried your eyes out, weeping over Bucky’s fate, filled with horrors nobody should ever endure. Every single torture he had to suffer was a cut to your heart, and for a very long time you have mourned the young boy you once knew, the one you fell in love with, the one that HYDRA turned into a terrifying weapon.

Steve had somehow gotten over it and accepted it sooner than you, urging you to start looking for Bucky, keen to throw himself into action as fast as possible. He was even ready to forgo his duties as Captain of the Avengers, but you and Sam convinced him to focus on it, while you and him would care of searching.

Unfortunately, Bucky had been trained well and he knew how to hide in plain sight, how to lay low and avoid being seen or recognized and so you and Sam had a lot of troubles in finding him despite your great efforts and skills.

The search remained fruitless, until the tragedy in Vienna and possible Soldier’s involvement. Of course, you never even thought that Bucky did it, you were sure that, more than anything, he wanted to stay unbothered, to be left at peace.

The idea that somebody was causing all this only to get to Bucky came to your mind as soon as the power was shut down and, not even waiting for anyone, you darted out of the room, heading to where Bucky was kept.

Steve knew how emotional you were around Bucky so he told you to stay behind while he and Sam went to Romania. But now, as there was a serious threat that the doctor wanted for Bucky to relapse and go into Winter Soldier mode, you didn’t let anyone stop you.

Unfortunately, you were too late and Bucky was already forced to become a weapon, so his first instinct was to attack you and get you off his way. He advanced at you with a fearsome expression and your blood froze in your veins. You were mortified, ready to defend yourself from the man you loved and most likely hurting him in the process but Bucky stopped in his tracks right in front of you.

He blinked a few times as if trying to figure out why he did stop, his brows furrowed, his lips pursed and you held your breath, waiting for something, anything.

Bucky let out a shaky breath as he searched your face frantically, his palms balling into fists. You hesitantly lifted your palm and reached to his face but before you could touch him, Steve stormed in and Soldier’s instincts kicked in, pushing him into a fight.

And you – you were frozen, trying to figure out why didn’t he attack you. Bucky was gone, turned into the Soldier who shouldn’t know you, shouldn’t recognize you.

Yet, he did.

Did it mean that Steve was right? That you really could be the one to crack the Soldier’s code and bring Bucky back?    

________

When the conflict between Steve and Tony worsened and you realized that the only solution for it would be a fight between the Avengers you decided to step back. You didn’t want to be a part of the clash, and so you cursed at your brother for being so stubborn and told him to leave you alone so that you could actually get to the real issue here, which was Bucky’s well-being.

Although, for some reason you couldn’t stand being with him in one room, too hurt to know that he only recalled your name and that you were Steve’s sister. It was too painful for you to see your friends fight with each other just because every single one of them was too headstrong to find a middle ground, to compromise.

You needed time to recover, to come to terms with the fact that Bucky might be himself again, but he wasn’t the same anymore. The Winter Soldier would be always present, corrupting his mind and poisoning his thoughts.

Only when it was over, when Bucky was brought back to Wakanda, you decided to meet him. You asked T’challa for some alone time with him before he would be put back into cryo.

“Hey,” you say simply, shoving your hands into jeans’ pockets, looking at Bucky unsurely. You don’t know how to react, how to approach him after all this.

“Wise choice, to stay away from that fight,” he states and you give him a lopsided smile.

“It wasn’t my fight,” you shrug. “Had enough of them in my life.”

“That’s true,” he chuckles airily, his eyes lighting up with what looks like amusement. “I remember when you were trying to reason little Steve. Or me, from time to time.”

“Y-you remember?” your eyes widen a little and Bucky nods slowly.

“Not everything, though. Some memories are back, some need more time, I guess.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

He rolls his eyes and for a moment you see his old self, you see Bucky from before the war and your chest tightens a little.

“The best for now. Until they find a way to fix my head.”

“Yeah,” you mutter, not really having anything to say. He’s made up his mind, and deep inside you know it’s a good choice.

“Steve tried it too, y’know. And I told him the same thing. I can’t trust my own mind.”

“I get it, Bucky,” you assure him and when one of the doctors peaks in, Bucky gives him a nod.

You step out of the room, unable to look at it. Just a thought was heartbreaking for you, an image would be too much.

Hour later the door to your room opens and Steve slides in, quickly gathering you into his arms, silently letting you cry the pain away.

There isn’t much you can do now. Only wait.

_______

“Steve, how many times do I have to tell you that confessing my feelings wouldn’t magically fix Bucky’s head?”

“Yeah, but hear me out-“

“You’ve read too much fairytales.”

“Those are called romances, Y/N.”

“Whatever,” you mumble as you place the last pancake on top of the pile, meant to be your brother’s breakfast.

“And every time true love wins. You and Bucky, you two belong to each other, Y/N, why don’t you wanna see it?”

“Because it’s not real. Steve, those are books, they’re made up, there’s no true love. Enjoy,” you add as you put the plate in front of him and Steve beams at you before taking a huge bite of the pancake.

“Thanks. Anyway, Bucky will be out of the cryo soon, and you should tell him.”

“Where do you have a ‘stop’ button, you jerk?”

“Huh, it’s my secret, sweetheart. Not telling you.”

“You won’t stop bugging me, will ya?”

“Never, Y/N.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” he grins and shoves another large portion of his meal as you roll your eyes, asking heavens what have you ever done to deserve such an insufferable brother?

_____

You supported T’challa’s idea without thinking twice, knowing that it was a pretty good idea. He proposed that you and Steve would, only for some time, not interact with Bucky to prevent triggering memories from resurfacing. T’challa trusted his doctors yet precautions had to be taken.

Steve did rebel, of course he did. He couldn’t bear the idea that Bucky would be left alone despite T’challa convincing him that there were specialists to take care of Bucky and his fragile mind.

Natasha was assigned to keep an eye on Bucky while he was recovering and, during short moments when she visited you, you knew that he was doing well.

“He remembers you. A lot about you. It’s like you’re some kind of solid rock or something.”

“You know that I don’t want to hear it?”

“Y/N, who do you want to fool? Steve? Me? Or yourself?”

“I’m not fooling anyone,” you say through gritted teeth as Nat smirks, the all-knowing look on her face. She’s too observant, you think, she knows too much.

“You’ll see for yourself. Soon.”

_________

The nightmares aren’t something that you were told you would have to suffer from when you signed the papers before the experiment. Various side effects were listed, yes, but nightmares?

Then again, one does not have them after being given a serum, right? They come from traumas, from life events that are too much to handle, too much to come to terms with, too painful and haunting.

Natasha said once that for most of the nights, she dreamt about the Red Room. Sam dreams about his military service, about his friend. Steve, which is easy to guess, dreams about losing you or Bucky. It still haunts him, making him feel guilty that he wasn’t fast enough on that train.

You, apart from dreaming about never seeing Steve or Bucky again, often times re-live the moment of falling into the water. The plane on fire, Steve by your side and the endless water before you.

You can’t scream, you can’t move, you can do nothing.

The powerlessness is what you fear the most, and it’s a common topic of your night terrors.

Tonight is no different and once you grounded yourself in reality, repeating like a mantra that you are alive and well, Steve and Bucky are too, that you’re safe in Wakanda, you are sitting on your bed, knowing damn well that there is no chance of getting any more sleep that night.

A fearless fighter too scared of going back to sleep. Ironic, yet real. And not only describing you, sadly.

You can hear tossing and turning in other rooms. You hear muffled groaning or whimpering, but you can’t force yourself to move. Sometimes it’s best to let them wake up by themselves.

There are hurried footsteps, thumping on the floor of the corridor but you pay no attention to them. It happened more than once, more than a hundred times. You assume it’s Steve, rushing to the gym to try and take his mind off the nightmares by running or punching the training bag.

But, much to your shock, the footsteps near your room and in next moment your door are swung open with a force that almost takes it off its hinges and a panting Bucky halts in the doorway, his feverish gaze locked on you.

“Y/N, you’re… I saw you… there was so much blood…” he mumbles and you stand up, reaching for his flesh hand. Thanks to T’challa, Bucky was given a brand new metal arm, but you are still reluctant to touch it.    

He grabs your hand firmly, stroking the skin, squeezing as if checking if it’s truly real. You pull him in gently and he whimpers when he feels your other hand brushing his hair away from his face. His sweating and shaking.

“They took you, Y/N. They tied you and make me watch it. I couldn’t… I’m sorry I wasn’t-“

“Shh, Buck, it wasn’t real,” you coo, trying to soothe him. He looks tormented and he lets go of your hand to place his flesh one on your cheek.

“I know you,” he states after long seconds of absolute silence and your heart skyrockets. Your lips part slightly as you watch him smile tenderly at you. It’s a surprising change and you’re not sure what caused it.

“You’re Y/N, Stevie’s sister. That I know. You looked after us. We… I didn’t have guts then,” he says bashfully and you move both of your hands to cup his face. much to your shock, he lets out a relieved sigh and nuzzles into your touch.

“Bucky, what are you talking about?”

“I couldn’t understand why looking at you make me feel… certain things. Even when I was the Soldier, you had an effect on me and I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Until recently. Until I started dreaming about seeing as you were taken away from me. Until Natasha suggested that I was denying myself the reason because I was a coward.”

“She was right, I gotta admit. I was a coward but I don’t wanna be one now. You’re Y/N. _My_ Y/N. And _I know you._ ”

You swallow thickly to get rid of the lump in your throat and lean in to rest your forehead against his. You fell tears streaming down your cheeks but you don’t mind them. After so many years, so much pain and suffering, he’s here, he’s back and it’s all that matters right now.

You snake an arm around his middle and pull him closer to you and Bucky carefully wraps his metal arm around your waist. You smile gently at him Bucky’s lips curl up a little in a small but joyful smile.

“I know you, too, James.”


End file.
